It wasn’t long after the whore role playing that I got pregnant with Chloe and Steve stopped wanting me. I even tried practicing when Steve wasn’t around, but it just wasn’t for me. But I sounded so stupid it made me laugh.

I bought the sexiest lingerie I could find. I thought back to all of the times when Steve wanted me to talk dirty and dress like a whore. Steve was saying things like “bitch” and “baby” and she was screaming stuff like “fuck” and “faster.” She lived next door with a 60-year-old who could have been her father. Somewhere between the bottom of the staircase and the top, I realized that Steve’s lunch was a midday fuck. Turned out, he was indulging in a five-star meal with a decadent dessert. I figured he must be really sick because he never came home for lunch. He had told me he would be tied up in court all day. He was an attorney and worked in an office across town. I was surprised to see Steve’s Lexus in the driveway. By the time lunch rolled around, I realized I hadn’t eaten breakfast and that I had left my sandwich on the kitchen counter. My day went south faster than my paralegal paycheck. I was late dropping Chloe off at daycare and that made me late for work. I found him eventually, but not before Sneakers had chewed off the bear’s ear, which only made Chloe cry more. My two year old daughter, Chloe, was crying hysterically for her favorite bear. It was a Friday morning and nothing was going right.

I had an excuse for everything until the day I came home and found his ass in the air and her underneath, digging her nails into his back and coming so hard it actually made me jealous. And the citrus scent? That was from the fabric softener. The scratch was from the dog, probably when they wrestled on the floor. Like a scratch on his back that didn’t come from my nails and the faint smell of citrus-infused perfume on our silk sheets. I sort of, kind of expected he was having an affair.

Turned out, I threw Steve out-and the bed along with him. I heard them before I found them screwing in the bed I thought I’d sleep in forever. The day I came home and found my husband in bed with our neighbor was the day I swore off men. To Tania, Cindy and Dawn-the best sisters in the world! Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons-living or dead-is entirely coincidental. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.

Sue and Tom by Buffy Andrews